Every knock on the door comes with a mix of emotions. For some seniors, they are hesitant at first, as a meal delivery service feels like they are relying on others for help. It’s difficult to lose one’s independence but over time, such reservations fade as friendships form and the daily visit becomes a much-anticipated part of the day. There’s joy in seeing the familiar face of a friend, both for the senior and the staff person.
Other seniors are quieter and more reserved. A simple hello is enough, as the meal is passed through a barely opened door.
Delivering meals to the elderly comes with a mix of emotions. Each knock on the door has a certain level of anxiety as you wait for the senior to answer. You listen for the usual patterns that have developed over the weeks, months, and years. You listen for the sound of footsteps or the rolling of a walker or their wheelchair. You listen for their voice saying, “Coming”, “Hello”, “Thank you”, or “Come in”.
Every senior and staff person has developed a pattern for the visit and exchange of the meal. Some seniors are bed-ridden and the lunch is the meal they need while a caretaker is at work. Others no longer cook because their gas stove was turned off by a family member as their dementia increased. Other seniors wait by the window, eagerly anticipating the friendly visit and bantering.
Then there are the days when the knock is met with silence. Sometimes the senior has the TV too loud or is on the phone and just doesn’t hear the knock. Other times, they’ve fallen and their voice is too quiet to hear through a closed door. And then, there are times when none of these are true. These last two knocks are the hardest.
Finding a senior that has fallen is a mix of emotions. Emergency protocols immediately go into action. The staff person stays by their side offering comfort and helping answer questions the best they can as EMS staff evaluate. Staff and seniors are grateful they were found but also unsure of what comes next. How bad was the fall? How long were they on the floor? When will they return home?
Then there is the silence of the other kind when one knocks on the door. The silence that comes when a senior has passed away. These are the most difficult of all – finding a friend that you used to laugh with suddenly without that smile and the twinkle gone from their eyes. One never forgets these images and the response process is much more difficult. This time, police arrive in addition to EMS. Questions like date of birth sound different when time of death is being determined. Next of kin rings hollow when so many have no one that visits with any regularity other than their daily meal and mail.
The simple act of knocking on the door means so much to both people on either side of the door. This week, those doors have been more difficult to open and close. On Monday, a staff person found a senior that had fallen and EMS transported them to the hospital. On Tuesday, a staff person found a senior that had passed away.
Both the seniors and staff are grateful for the service we provide. Seniors feel safer at home, knowing that someone is checking on them each day. And while difficult on staff emotionally, they are grateful to be the ones to find the seniors and get them the help they need. They are grateful the senior had a respectful end of life and was found in a timely manner.
These instances are never easy and counseling services are available to both seniors and staff. Both know these situations are real possibilities but shock and sadness still exist in each situation. We always hope for the usual patterns but will always do our best to care for the senior when those patterns are disrupted.
Today, we are all hoping the deliveries go smoothly and that all knocks are met with a smile.
- Kathleen Harter,
Program Director at Copper Shores Meals on Wheels
